I am moving this coming Tuesday and have obviously had to clean out a lot and pack up most of my things.

We were putting things into separate bags; one for garbage, one was things to be donated, and the other was clothing items we probably won’t be needing over the next couple of months (shorts, etc) As I watched my boyfriend look at sizes of clothes and automatically know if it would fit or not, just throw things away or put in the donation pile without a lot of hemming and hawing, it dawned on me… I NEVER THROW ANYTHING AWAY.

I am actually afraid to when it comes to most clothes. I have no idea what size I am now given every brand and style of pants are different. I also have no idea what size I will end up being a month from now, or even when the summer time comes. Not even sure what will be comfortable a week from now since who knows how my ostomy will be. I have a lot of skin issues now which makes it harder to wear certain pants. Plus, stomach distention means a whole new set of pant ‘issues.’ There are so many factors that contribute to the size of my clothes, weight, and my ability to wear various clothing items comfortably.

It is upsetting to feel the need to have to keep pretty much everything so that when your weight does fluctuate due to illness, you won’t have to spend money most of us don’t have on different sized clothing. I seriously wear jeans I have from when I was 14! I have saved pretty much every pair of decent pants I had since I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. So, as you can imagine, 16 years accumulates quite a bit of stuff!

It is just amazing that something so small, like packing or moving, can bring about so many things. It makes me feel different when I know that rationally, it doesn’t make a difference if I keep everything I have ever bought, or was one of those people who bought new clothing every month.

Just another c-r-a-z-y- thing about Inflammatory Bowel Disease (Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis) or many chronic illnesses for that matter!