Today is the first day of fall and also Yum Kipper. I am not religious at all but working on getting some faith back. I am not sure how I feel about God right now. I always believed strongly but then after my 5th surgery, I just couldn’t anymore.

Anyway, both of these things represent a new beginning of some kind. Either a new season or a new year in the Jewish religion. I always like fresh starts and for some reason, the dates on the calendar do mean something to me… even though I do rationally know they are just another day like any other.

I was diagnosed with gastroparesis recently. Some things are still unclear but as it stands, that is how my doctor is going about things. As I understand it, it is a motility disorder when your stomach lacks the ability to push things down into the small intestine and then the large (if you have one.) This can leave undigested food to become stuck either in the stomach or small intestine. I am not an expert (although I am hoping to become as knowledgable as possible) so I highly suggest reading the link above if you have other questions

I had a small bowel series which showed slow motility and then an endoscope where, in addition to other things, my GI told me that my stomach muscles were pretty non-existent. He wanted to do further tests but gave me the standard “gastroperis diet” that he tells me he gives to his patients. While I did appreciate what he did, it honestly was not helpful since I got the feeling that diet was not tailored towards someone with inflammatory bowel disease and an ostomy also.

I hate being such a complicated case. Doctors and medical staff seem to have no clue what to do with me.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what I need to do to get healthy since my whole body is a mess and I could not leave the couch or even write this if it was not for medication which I HATE with a passion. I hate being so reliant on this stuff but I know what the other option is…existing. And that can only go on for so long – not to be morbid.

As of now, I am thinking about re-doing my eating plan since that is the one and only thing I can control with my stomach and have an appointment at a headache clinic in the very beginning of October which I pray to God can help me with my migraines. Plans do give me hope!