I had an appointment at a headache clinic yesterday and needed to fill out a lot of forms beforehand. I also needed to come with all of my records from past doctors so they could get a better idea of my history.

After leaving my neurologist’s office last visit, I had both his individual medical records for me as well as the headache clinic’s records that I went to six years ago. It was all in a huge envelope.

A month later, I decided to read through them. On one hand, I was interested to know what I had said and the situations I was in so many years back. I also wanted to know what this new place was going to see. What did my doctor say about me? What was I actually diagnosed with at the clinic? Does he think I am faking? Does he think I am a drug seeker? Things like that that just run through my head which was what led to beginning to read all of my notes.

But on the other hand, I wasn’t sure if it would be triggering for me to read so much of what I have been through.

I saw things I literally forgot about. There were all my prescriptions in there, emails my parents and I have said, reactions to things I forgot I took, comments about my situation, etc.

Even though there were things I definitely buried (which is why it is good to have your records with you for a new appointment,) there was a lot that I did remember. And it made me sad.

It greatly upset me to read this:

So my question to all of you I guess is, is it a smart thing to read through your old medical records? I honestly am not sure.