This post may be a little off the inflammatory bowel disease topic but I think it relates to many IBDers as well as people with other chronic illnesses. Plus, I did learn recently that there may be a correlation between migraines and Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis.
Anyway, I needed to expunge some things that have been bubbling up recently. Having chronic daily migraines plus ulcerative colitis for so many years meant I kind of had to push all of these feelings down for a while. But over the last few months or so, it has been really getting to me. So I want to talk about it a little bit now. And I have to believe there are others who are in similar situations who feel this way- Please know you are not alone.
When I am feeling well and not in pain, I am out and about, connecting with others, going to the gym, having productive days, am excited to be doing a lot of advocacy work, etc. But when my migraines are not under control, I feel debilitated.
That feeling of intense pain, which I know even those of you who don’t suffer from migraines can relate to, knocks you out!!! You don’t care about working out and eating healthy. The errands and house work you need to get done falls by the waste side. The pain not only influences your mood and is just terrible overall but it affects your self confidence. Or, at least it does with me at least.
I really hate it. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be working out almost daily. I don’t want pain to influence my sleep especially since I already have inflammatory bowel disease and an ileostomy stacked against me. I want to be able to do what I need to do around the house, and get the things that are needed outside of the home as well. I want to be able to write and talk to my parents and grandmother on the phone. I want to be on top of any calls that are needed to be made to insurance and doctors offices.
I just want to be the person I know I would and could be if I was out of pain. It is just amazing to me how much having chronic daily migraines impacts so much of my life as well. I always pushed it aside since it doesn’t require a hospitalization (although I have had two but in a general sense, it usually does not). It doesn’t require surgery. It is just pain. Invisible pain.
But this invisible pain is awful and makes me feel really bad about myself.
Can any of you relate to this? How does pain impact your life? Do you muttle through it? Do you have a support system that understands your disease?