I don’t think I ever told you guys that I actually played golf on a REAL golf course earlier this summer. I still can’t believe it. It was always a joke between my dad, brother and I that if I ever went out there I would be shooting a 200 and probably get kicked off the course.
It was really nice to do something new. I haven’t done anything really new in a while and it feels good to try different things. I have missed out on a lot because of ulcerative colitis. That is one of the hardest parts of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis) along with those who suffer with many other chronic illnesses.
While I had a ton of fun and am so glad I went, I honestly felt awful the entire time. If y0u see me in pictures, you wouldn’t notice that anything was wrong. It just looks like an awesome, happy day on the course with people I love being with.
I couldn’t eat because once I do, my ostomy doesn’t stop going. I can’t focus or have a good time and I certainly don’t want to feel the need to use the restroom in the middle of playing golf. Feeling the bulge in my pants and making sure it isn’t visible is the easier part. I never want my ostomy bag to get so full that it tugs on the appliance and therefore, my skin. I do everything possible to extend the wear time.
Mostly, I didn’t want to have to think about ulcerative colitis, the fact that I have a permanent ileostomy, and all that I have been through with inflammatory bowel disease.
I just didn’t.
I also realize that drinking increases the output of my ileostomy as well. So while other people can eat and drink on a nice summer day, I have to worry about how much water I am ingesting at a time in order to not fill up the bag.
I had a lot of fun doing something new with my boyfriend and his brother. It felt good to be outside doing “normal” things for a change. I just really wish I didn’t get such bad migraines all of the time. It destroys my ability to function, forces me to be fake in some ways, and is just really tough to deal with.
But despite feeling the way I was, I would (and will!) do it again if I could. I can’t let my migraines prevent me from doing things I know I would enjoy and want to experience. I think I just have in my head that they aren’t a huge deal and I need to toughen up and deal with the pain since it isn’t as bad as IBD. While I have been in the hospital for them, nothing will happen if I don’t go. (knock on wood) This doesn’t require surgery, spike my fevers, or do anything other than cause me a great deal of pain. In my mind, I just can’t shake the comparison between the two diseases.
I also think I am so accustomed to living in pain that I just accept it as a way of life. It sucks sometimes but I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to be outside and do something fun!