Why is eating during the day such a mental struggle for me?

I am sitting here right now doing a bunch of work and making some much needed phone calls. I know that I don’t have anywhere extremely important for the rest of the day. And I even know if I wanted to stay in all day, that was a viable option today. Some days it isn’t but you know how life is.

I am hungry now (it is almost 2:30pm) and yet I cannot bring myself to put something in my mouth. I know how much it affects my stomach and ostomy if I ingest anything other than liquid during the day.

And it isn’t that just any liquid is acceptable. For example, V8 is too tomato based so it changes things. Vitamin Zero water which I always loved acts like a true laxative when I have it which makes it so un-enjoyable to drink. I still drink both of them (sometimes) but not during the day. I stick to water and decaf coffee (unless I am going to be going out for a while.) I will have a Gatorade also every now and then but that is pretty much all I can wrap my head around having food/drink wise prior to 7pm.

I honestly haven’t come across anyone else with an ostomy who feels this way or has this eating issue/routine. I know IBDers who have trouble eating during the day but not other people with inflammatory bowel disease and an ostomy.

I know I got into a bad habit when I had my kock pouch about not eating during the day in an effort to pretend like I was a “normal” girl. Eating at night is, of course, the worst time to eat also but I have asked myself which is worse: dealing with the ostomy/bathroom during the day when I am with people and when I need to be productive, or at night. Obviously, for me you know I have chosen the latter for years.