Accepting that some days are just…

Blah and off schedule.

I haven’t been sleeping well (shocker, I know) or feeling awesome and this heat just makes me feel a lot worse too. I had a few really bad nights and mornings this week which threw all the plans I had for the day out the window.

I am someone who likes to stick to the plan. I have reminders set on my ipad and make sure (to the best of my ability) that everything on my “to do list” is completed before bed. I do acknowledge that sometimes certain things can wait for another day (ex doing my nails) but for the most part, I like to make sure I do everything I have scheduled and had prepared for the night before.

But, some days, I just can’t. And pushing myself just makes me dread it which means I am less likely to perform with enthusiasm the following day.

So I am learning to be mentally OKAY if I can’t do certain things on the day I schedule it.

45508-You-Are-Only-Human

We are all human and for some reason, I feel like I should be accomplishing so much more. Think that goes to how I am no where near where I thought I would be at the age of 27 and carry an enormous amount of guilt because of that.

And to be honest (this probably sounds nutty) but I have no idea how someone “should” act… I am so accustomed to just pushing myself, regardless of pain, exhaustion, etc that I think I have in my head that people who are “normal” (aka not dealing with a chronic illness) don’t have off days too. I think in my mind, people who are healthy don’t deal with emotional things…that spills into family and relationships.

I know how false this is but I feel like I try to overcompensate a lot for this reason.

These words from the song, Human by Christina Perri {which I heard through the Get Your Belly Out campaign video} is something I try to listen to when I want to remind myself that we are all just human beings.

“I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of world”

 

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  • http://advocateofliberty.wordpress.com bastiat1776

    Marisa,

    Thanks for sharing. I was diagnosed with UC at 12 and the same year had a total colectomy. At age 16 my ileostomy became permanent.

    You not normal, you are exceptional Marisa. Thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences. You’ve helped me tremendously by your posts.

    Keep doing what you are doing.

    • http://risaroo86.wordpress.com Marisa Lauren

      You really made me smile with your comment. Sometimes I want to write about things but think in the scheme of things, they are sort of meaningless. I guess I struggle with sharing the day to day things so thank you for your comment!! It really meant a lot to me :)

    • http://risaroo86.wordpress.com Marisa Lauren

      You really made me smile with your comment…thank you, thank you! I am so glad my writing is helping. It is hard to tell sometimes as you can imagine but I know for me it is so nice knowing I am not alone!!!