When I was younger, I always loved when my phone rang or made any type of noise. I never even thought about keeping it on silent because it made me happy to hear when I was getting a call, message or some other notification. The only time I forced myself not to have the volume up as high as humanly possible was when I was trying to sleep.

I think being glued to some form of technology was a pretty normal thing for tweens and teenagers; especially those who grew up in the age of cell phones, texting, instant messenger, and other forms of social media.

As the years went on, my views on cell phones changed. I no longer wanted to have it with me all of the time. I didn’t answer every call even if I was available which was unusual for me. For a year, I only kept my phone on vibrate except for when I was out.

I think it was nice to feel detached from the rest of the world (especially when things were tough in my life.) It was easier to not deal with anyone for a while.

For the past few years I haven’t kept the sound on any phone or tablet. When the noises that occurred without warning from my electronics started making me feel anxious, I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. For some reason, a random phone call or alert sent me into a little bit of panic mode.

I have given this a lot of thought and the only rationalization I can think of is that I somehow relate the startling noises to the random IV beeping and monitors in the hospital. The first few years following my diagnosis, I do believe I was able to sleep a little in the hospital. Or rather, I wasn’t on as high alert as I was after becoming more of a veteran patient.

I think this is part of the reason why when I do sleep, it isn’t a deep sleep. I am hoping that will change as I continue to work with my doctors as well as {hopefully} endure more time away from traumatic situations.

I did keep my phone on vibrate all day the other day for the first time in years and as you can see from this tweet, I was very excited to share the news