How Do I Approach New Doctors Now?

I wanted to expand on what I wrote the other day about needing my dogs to get me through many months of having terrible adverse reactions to a medication I was prescribed for sleep.

I have an appointment with a doctor at a sleep clinic in a couple weeks. Of course, insurance will only cover 30percent once I meet my deductible which thankfully I haven’t. But regardless, this appointment is just an office visit. I am worried this doctor won’t be able to help me or think I am stubborn for not wanting to try certain medications.

When I was put on the sleep medicine that was disastrous for me from the end of 2011 to April of 2012, it petrified me beyond belief. I think it subconsciously made me so afraid to try any new medication because of how close I came to ending my own life.

It wasn’t just that though. It was actually more scary that no one could help me. With the help of my parents who could only really support me, I had to figure it all out for myself. I was cowering in my doctors office behind my mom. My parents called him multiple times because they were so worried. I was angry and hostile. This was a doctor I had been seeing on and off for six years. He knew I wasn’t like that. He knew I had been through terrible physical situations before but never reacted like a goddamn crazy lunatic.

When I saw the bottle that said “Call your doctor if you experience any type of mood changes, hostility or agitation” I thought I was going to lose my mind. In a good and bad way.

On one hand, the fact that I may have found the answer to my change in mood and behavior made me hopeful but on the other, was I really doing this to myself? Were my actions and behaviors dictated by a medication that I continuously put in my system day after day without realizing? Was I putting my family through hell all because of some artificial medication that everyone promised would help me (and who I trusted)?

How do I approach any new doctor now? After spending so many months the way I was {with no doctor offering this as a possible solution}, how can I deal with my need for medication now? I know I need to bite the bullet and give in to a little more help than I have allowed but… I can’t. I am thankfully not in as vulnerable a position as I have been over the years so why would I want to possibly tamper with that? If I go to the doctor, ingest whatever medication he/she suggests, and it doesn’t go well… I won’t have the upper hand anymore. I know that sounds odd but I need to feel like I am in control of my body and my life. I never ever want to feel like I did in back in 2011/2012. But I also need help in certain areas which terrifies me.

I am a pretty open person in most areas of my life. When it comes to my health, I am not anymore. I have the very strong mentality of “I know better than any doctor.” The times I let go and allowed someone to take more control of my health, I lost so much. I never want to go through that again because I don’t know if I could survive anymore.

  • Jennifer Bayes

    I hope u get this email. I will try to send the other email that didn’t reach you. I enjoyed this post. We seem to have many things in common. On FB I saw your post about surgery for adhesions, scarring. I see that u also get obstructed from scarring. I would like to ask u question, if ok. I will be glad to answer any medical related questions that I know or medication questions, as well. I am a Pharmacist, just not working presently.

    From my understanding, colitis pts can receive a j-pouch but this is only for colitis right? Does it apply to any crohns pts? JW if u knew. My GI said my adhesions were terrible and the pain MD said they were worst he has ever seen, but GI disagrees with me wanting surgery. He says the adhesions will come again, grow new ones. He didn’t even give me an option to b referred to surgeon for opinion. I would only trust colon rectal surgeon. I have thought through the pros and cons so much. The relentless pain and like u said nausea has gotta give. This is my only way for a break. I wrote a comment on your FB about what I have had done recently for this pain. It might help u temporarily. What r your other symptoms? Wanted to see if we have similar symptoms besides the obvious. I am getting very bloated on my right side beside belly button after I eat, so much so, I have gained like 7-9 lbs within 5-6 days. I am still having stool now but sometimes act of God to get out. Sometimes pencil thin as they describe with structuring but on the other side, I have had a regular stool too. Plus, diarrhea off and on.

    Will u let me know what u r going through with yours? I can’t eat bulky food either. I am getting gasey more too. My appetite was worse a month ago which doesn’t make sense. I don’t get bad GERD. I just stay totally absolutely exhausted. They said no active crohns on films. My crohns was located in terminal ileum and I had that area respected with about 15 in. Removed.

    Where was your IBD located? I have had it in large intestine to with proctitis. I just don’t know what type of surgery or colectomy I would have for that section? That is part of my question, what would yours involve? Where? Like would they take out my colon?

    Sorry for all questions, prob sounds weird. I just haven’t done much research in the surgical treatment.

    Take Care,

    Jennifer Bayes

    Sent from my iPad


    • Marisa Lauren

      Will email you tomorrow Jennifer! I did get the email you forwarded me also. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. <3