Before I really understood what depression was, I always looked at those people who suffered from it as simply needing to exhibit more mental strength. I thought that suffering from depression meant you were just negative, a downer, and needed to start having a better attitude or view of the world. I know these feelings are precisely why stigmas are out there for mental illnesses.

2011 was one of the worst years for me. I finally got through college after six years but a month later, I needed to have major surgery. {I was discharged on Valentines Day so I’ll always remember the dates surrounding that surgery} Three months later, I wound up in the ER with a tube in my stomach that stayed there for two additional months until the time came for me to need my 2nd major operation of the year. To end the year, I received a new auto immune disease diagnosis (pyoderma gangrenosum) I was down to 82 pounds, petrified of eating, desperate to have one migraine free day, and was never able to sleep. I was tired of fighting every single day.

I was depressed.

I have said I had a lot of anxiety, that I felt triggered easily, and that I suffered from insomnia but until very recently, I was embarrassed to admit that.

As I look back at that entire year of awfulness, I realize that while  I dealt with the emotional manifestations of having ulcerative colitis for years, it wasn’t until that year that things started coming to a head. I was so far down that there was literally no where else for me to go but up.

Am I glad I experienced what I have? NO FRICKEN WAY! I can say now it probably made me more understanding of the broad scope of issues inflammatory bowel disease causes. It also gave me a completely different perspective of “mental illness.” {honestly, I’d rather not have the knowledge but ya know… }

Depression, anxiety, lack of sleep, eating issues, feeling easily triggered, low self esteem, and anger are just some of the emotional issues many people with Crohns disease or ulcerative colitis deal with. How could they not? They do come in waves and maybe we have to go though some of the terrible things we experience with this disease to pave the way for us to be more understanding of people in general. Or for us to be able to let others know that we, too, have been there and got through it.