Earlier in the week I wrote a post at five in the morning about how I was torn about a lot of different things going on in my life (which you can read here.) I have learned a lot about myself since I started this blog and I find that with each new experience, I learn more and more about the person I am and the person I hope to become. One of the things that I have found to be one of the key factors that will contribute to my happiness is being honest.
I am not and never have been a dishonest person. I have omitted details and danced around the truth regarding my medical situation and things that were going on with my mind and body over the last 13 years but I don’t believe that to be dishonest. I suppose someone can say it is splitting hairs but I know the reasons why I have omitted the truth for so long and with so many people in my life and to be quite frank, for anyone who judges that or would deem me to be a “dishonest” person for that reason has really no idea about… life, illness, loss, grief, emotional pain, physical struggle, etc.
SO, back to my most recent epiphany. I have become so accustomed to hiding the physical pain I was experiencing from pretty much everyone other than my parents that it has taken a lot for me to see that in order for me to be able to actually be a productive member of society, I can no longer do that. The physical pain takes its toll when it isn’t dealt with properly. It also can, and usually always does, affect me emotionally in one way or another. I may not realize it initially but it does and I believe that to be the case for most people.
I am far from advocating the need to tell everyone your aches and pains every single day. NO WAY would I ever think to do that or could really handle being around someone who did. But, what I have come to accept is that I need to live in the reality of my life and for right now, I do have periods where I struggle. And because of that, I do need to let the people who are closest to me, the people who love me, and the people who are or will be affected by that know what is going on.
I haven’t been very good at doing that over the last month and a half or so and the cumulative effect of not opening up to the people who I have needed to share this with has been more detrimental (in my opinion) than if I was to be honest as things seemed to be spiraling out of control. I tend to wait until I hit a brick wall until I speak up because I like to think I can handle something and feel like a failure if I “give up” or feel like I am “giving in” to my disease or the pain before I have reached my true breaking point.
But what I have come to realize is that the only thing I have failed at was not acknowledging my limitations and letting people in until now… over a month later.
“Is honesty really the best policy?” It may be difficult, it may be painful, and it may be the last thing you would like to admit to another person but at the end of the day it is the absolute best thing you can do. You can’t go wrong with being honest with yourself and with the people in your life who truly matter.