Is Honesty Really The Best Policy?

Earlier in the week I wrote a post at five in the morning about how I was torn about a lot of different things going on in my life (which you can read here.) I have learned a lot about myself since I started this blog and I find that with each new experience, I learn more and more about the person I am and the person I hope to become. One of the things that I have found to be one of the key factors that will contribute to my happiness is being honest.

I am not and never have been a dishonest person. I have omitted details and danced around the truth regarding my medical situation and things that were going on with my mind and body over the last 13 years but I don’t believe that to be dishonest. I suppose someone can say it is splitting hairs but I know the reasons why I have omitted the truth for so long and with so many people in my life and to be quite frank, for anyone who judges that or would deem me to be a “dishonest” person for that reason has really no idea about…  life, illness, loss, grief, emotional pain, physical struggle, etc.

SO, back to my most recent epiphany. I have become so accustomed to hiding the physical pain I was experiencing from pretty much everyone other than my parents that it has taken a lot for me to see that in order for me to be able to actually be a productive member of society, I can no longer do that. The physical pain takes its toll when it isn’t dealt with properly. It also can, and usually always does, affect me emotionally in one way or another. I may not realize it initially but it does and I believe that to be the case for most people.

I am far from advocating the need to tell everyone your aches and pains every single day. NO WAY would I ever think to do that or could really handle being around someone who did. But, what I have come to accept is that I need to live in the reality of my life and for right now, I do have periods where I struggle. And because of that, I do need to let the people who are closest to me, the people who love me, and the people who are or will be affected by that know what is going on.

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I haven’t been very good at doing that over the last month and a half or so and the cumulative effect of not opening up to the people who I have needed to share this with has been more detrimental (in my opinion) than if I was to be honest as things seemed to be spiraling out of control. I tend to wait until I hit a brick wall until I speak up because I like to think I can handle something and feel like a failure if I “give up” or feel like I am “giving in” to my disease or the pain before I have reached my true breaking point.

But what I have come to realize is that the only thing I have failed at was not acknowledging my limitations and letting people in until now… over a month later.

“Is honesty really the best policy?” It may be difficult, it may be painful, and it may be the last thing you would like to admit to another person but at the end of the day it is the absolute best thing you can do. You can’t go wrong with being honest with yourself and with the people in your life who truly matter.

  • val0525

    Marisa,

    I think that this is one of the bravest posts that I think you have written..It is sometimes hard to be honest and say “I can’t” or “This is not right for me at this time” or that “I need help with this”.

    We all have limits and there is no need to feel badly that you may nned to step back.

    Everyone who matters will understand completely. You are very brave and I am proud of you for all the progress you have made and continue to make. This is another step on your journey.

    xoxo

    • http://risaroo86.wordpress.com rissy26

      thank you Val for all of the love and support you have given me. I truly don’t think you realize how much of an impact you have had on me.

      • val0525

        And you on me.

        Love Val

  • Jodi

    Being honest with yourself is always the first step in creating change in your life. You have done it with grace and on so many different levels. Not many people can be truly honest with themselves. You are doing a tremendous job.

    • http://risaroo86.wordpress.com rissy26

      thank you Jodi : ).

  • http://gravatar.com/leslie427 Leslie

    I am a fellow IBD sufferer (UC), and I am also a recovering alcoholic. I don’t post about that part of my life much in open forum, but I’d like to share an experience with you. Toward the end of my drinking, I only drank alone, at home, so no one else would know. Once I decided to get help, I found out I had done what I’d intended; no one close to me had any idea things were that bad. I’m a bit haunted by my best friend’s reaction – she was very upset, and felt like she had let me down.

    Something I’ve learned in recovery is that people want to help. That was a foreign concept to me. I assumed I would be a burden…but it’s really been the opposite. People like feeling needed. Now that I have some years of sobriety, I give back by helping others as well, and I get it now.

    Thank you for this excellent post. Best to you! :)

    • http://risaroo86.wordpress.com rissy26

      Leslie, thank you for sharing this with me. You have been through an enormous amount but you seem to have come out really enlightened – although I am sure it is a huge work in progress! I have used the term “feeling like a burden” more times than I can count. We have more in common than you probably think ; )
      I REALLY appreciate your insight. All the best to you, and if you ever want to talk, the email I use for this blog is marisa.ibd@gmail.com. xoxoxoxoxo

    • val0525

      Leslie,

      All the best to you on your journey

  • nathan lawton

    I found honest is a way to people nice to you.