For those of us living with a chronic illness, worrying usually comes with the territory. There will always be things hanging over our head for all of us. We will always have responsibilities that will sometimes bring about stress. We will always have family obligations. More likely than not, a loved one will get sick unexpectedly during the course of your life. I could go on and on but point being- we all have things that we worry about. We all have voices that haunt us; things that we wish we could just tell to shut up, to go away and never return.
The truth is, we will never be able to get rid of those voices of worry and concern. They will always be at the forefront of our minds because lets face it, that’s life. Life is messy. Life is unpredictable. Life comes with responsibilities and stress. Life comes with suffering and life comes with times of great fortune. Life is a rollercoaster for many of us. And for those of us living with a chronic illness more specifically, how can we not wonder when the next time we get sick will be? How can we not wonder when the next flare up will occur? How can we not second guess ourselves after making plans months in advance? It would be odd if we didn’t have these concerns.
There are so many times where I wish I could just tell my mind to stop wandering and going to places that I don’t want to think about. Sometimes and too often, my mind feels like it is racing constantly and I just feel overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. I know that will always be the case with me although I do hope it will lessen if I have some sustained health (knock on wood). Point being, we will ALL always be afraid of something; not just those people who suffer from a chronic illness. Every single one of us on this earth right now has at least one thing that is haunting them. In all likelihood, we will never be able to fully get rid of those voices in our heads. Our job, as best we can, is to learn how to silence them. We need to learn how to not listen to those voices that make us worried, anxious or feel flustered. I look at anxiety and worrying as one of those things that will probably end up being an inevitable part of my life that I need to accept.
Yesterday afternoon, the bag leaked and I had noticed it wasn’t sealing well for the last couple weeks but it wasn’t a huge issue. Now that I have pyoderma gangrenosum (chronic auto immune disease that causes ulcers on your skin), I have one more thing to worry about. I looked at my skin yesterday and it looked like a mini crater was forming which is how PG manifests itself. It got me extremely upset and worried which led me to think about this topic. I know for me personally that I will never be able to stop thinking and concerning myself with what could happen with my chronic illness but I do know that I need to work on managing my worry a little better.