A couple days ago for National Health Blog Post Month, I talked about dealing with negative feedback in our community. Ironically, later that day my friend Amanda was met with this anonymous remark the following this blog post she had written Are You Ready? {NHBPM} :

“ok, I can’t take it anymore and need to call bullshit on this writer. Apparently it’s health blog month or something and these posts are all over the place. Here is my problem: First, this writer includes enough adjectives in her writing to flood a desert! It comes across as so dramatic it’s nauseating! The second problem is that these are posted in Crohns and colitis support groups and the writer has stated she doesn’t have either. If you don’t have IBD you don’t get it. Plain and simple. And you never will. Sorry you are a drama queen with nausea and you choose to lay on your bathroom floor all the time, but you claim to write so that people can relate and not feel alone yet I have never heard someone who actually HAS Crohns or colitis complain as much as you do. Would you go on a cancer support site and complain just because you “present with symptoms that look alot like…” cancer??. I would hope not. Because those people don’t want to hear you complain about something you know nothing about AND DON’T EVEN HAVE! So you can wear all the purple you want, and write all the adjectives you need to add to your drama, but just know that not everyonee can relate. Or would even want to.”

As I am sure you can imagine, she was extremely taken aback and sent me and two of our friends an email with this message in it saying “is this how you guys feel too?” I am going to be blatantly honest right now. The answer to that question is not yes or no. Whoever this person is does have some validity to what he/she is saying. If I did not know Amanda, I could understand why someone would think that. I am sure this person has severe IBD and doesn’t appreciate feeling like Amanda is comparing herself to this person. However, the point I am trying to make with this post is that I DO know Amanda and I have had one of the most severe cases of IBD imaginable so with that knowledge, the answer to my friend’s question is “of course not! That hasn’t crossed my mind.”

Amanda hasn’t once compared herself or her situation to that of mine or anyone else’s. She is extremely clear about her situation and only talks about how she is feeling. My friend is also so caring, compassionate, and empathetic. She just “gets it” even though we haven’t lived through the same thing. Amanda has even gone so far as to ask me if I would be offended if she ordered a “My____ Has Colitis” tee shirt from thegreatbowelmovement.org. This girl has not asked me once, twice, or even three times but more…. Is this someone who is just an insensitive drama queen who thinks she has IBD and just wants to complain? Or is this an incredibly intelligent and insightful girl who has been experiencing many of the same emotions as those of us with inflammatory bowel disease often do and chooses to write about it and spread awareness? She chooses to share her thoughts, deepest fears and emotions as a catharsis for herself but also to show whoever may come across her incredibly eloquent writing that they are not alone.

Without knowing the author of any type of work, you can’t possibly make the types of comments that were made to one of the most amazing, kindhearted, well intentioned person I know. It is impossible to jump to any conclusions about a person just by reading one or two posts off of someone’s blog. The fact of the matter is that unless you know someone personally, you aren’t going to go through each and every one of their posts day after day and get to know and understand them. You aren’t going to do that unless you know them, unless you care about them, unless you identify with them, unless there is a reason. So when someone has the nerve to write a very hurtful, bold statement like the one made to my friend, I feel the need to write a little something in response. This isn’t really about anything other than how we all need to be more sensitive to cyber bullying. We all need to show more compassion when we are reading other people’s work.

Since social media became a constant presence in our lives, we have all seemed to forget some of the basic rules we were all taught growing up. Remember the old school motto “if you don’t  have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Let’s bring that one back!