The prompt for day 29 of National Health Blog Post Month is to talk about one thing that we hope to accomplish in 2013. There are so many things flooding my brain right now but I would say if I had to pick one thing and one thing only I hope to be enrolled in a graduate school program by the end of next year. I have been going back and forth in my mind about whether or not to pursue a career in social work and patient advocacy or do something a bit more removed from patients and get my master’s degree in public health. I am very torn because I feel like I can really help people one on one, and I know I understand more than most right now about the human psyche (having only an undergraduate degree)…but on the other hand, I tend to be too empathetic. I don’t know if I would be able to separate my work and the lives of my patients from my own. I am not sure if I can handle other people’s pain nonstop day after day. I want to be able to so badly. I want to be able to help people in a one on one setting or directly in a hospital if I end up going more the patient advocacy route. I am just not sure if I should go in that direction or pursue something in public health where I am still helping people but from afar in a way.
I really wish I could enroll in a graduate program and then just show up for the first day of classes. The whole application process and the GRE’s are what have me thrown right now. I have absolutely no interest in going back to Manhattanville College and getting my transcripts and letters of recommendation. I also don’t really have the patience to focus on studying for the GRE’s right now. I also feel like I haven’t had enough sustained health for me to be confident enough to put myself in a situation where I might be disappointed. I cannot bear the thought of preparing and taking the GRE’s, and doing what I need to in terms of the application process and then having something set me back. I just know I will be too devastated which is why I am not actively pursuing this right now.
By the end of 2013, I really hope that I continue to progress like I have been doing in terms of my emotional recovery. And if I was at all religious, I would say that I am praying my physical health is under control so that I can go about my life and turn all of my negative experiences into helping others who are suffering. I have been on the sidelines for so long and it is so difficult for me to look towards the future but I am trying. I have been thinking about it more lately which I know is a step in the right direction, even if nothing is actively happening at this point in my life. I hope to look back a year from now and have achieved all that I am talking about in this post.