Do you ever say “yes” to things because they sound good at the time but then when it comes time to actually do the task you committed to you have overwhelming stress, anxiety, and doubts? That happens to me all the time. I say OK to something because in theory, it sounds like something I would want to do or be involved in, but as the time gets closer for me to actually partake in what I committed to, my emotions are vastly different.
I had a really good appointment with my new therapist last Thursday and we talked about some goals and how I would go about achieving them at a slow, stress free pace that was comfortable for me. Experimenting with one thing at a time and knowing that I don’t have to fully commit to anything until I am ready. I left the appointment feeling motivated and invigorated. I was looking at multiple volunteer opportunities, and things to get involved in. I had set up a schedule in my head for the next week or so and thought about all of the things I wanted to accomplish. But, on Friday night I just broke down hysterically crying. I think I was so hyped up and had a “ready to take on the world” mentality after I left her office that I forgot to be realistic in my expectations and things I commit to.
I have set many goals and deadlines for myself over the years that were very unrealistic and therefore, I was always left feeling like a failure because I couldn’t achieve the things I had set out to do. I am just now starting to slowly learn how setting up realistic goals is the only way for me to feel like I am making progress. I tend to have a very all or nothing personality and very rarely do things halfway. It is because of this that I tend to either take on too much or nothing at all.
I have had a pretty emotional couple of days, coupled with my debilitating migraines which seem to be back (yippy!), but I do believe that these experiences and emotions that I have will end up doing me good in the long run. I think finally realizing how it is “OK to not be OK” and how even though the tasks I am signing up for seem very easy on the surface and probably to your average person, they are anything but to me. I am trying to engrain in my head that it is alright to take things slowly and go at a pace that is comfortable for me. That is how I am going to try and look at this coming week. I also know how good I feel after I accomplish something so I am going to try to push myself just a little bit more out of my comfort zone because I know how proud of myself I will be after it is done.
“You regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.”-unknown