I have had trouble sleeping for a long time but it has only been recently that I realized one of the reasons the nights are so difficult for me. During the day, it is a lot easier to suppress things or distract yourself with other tasks but at night is when you need to let your guard down in order to be able to fall asleep. I have struggled with this for a long time and since I started sharing some of my experiences with other people, I realize how I am not alone. The nights are hard for a lot of people.
It is really difficult for me to lie in bed and try to fall asleep because I can’t stop my mind from wandering. When I am trying to fall asleep is usually when my brain is flooded with thoughts and fears that I tried so hard not to think about all day. This causes me to become anxious and upset, thus making it even more difficult for me to fall asleep.
The key to falling asleep is being able to let your guard down and relinquish some control. I feel this incessant need to micro manage everything and make sure the bag isn’t leaking which keeps me up and alert at all times. I feel like I have to stay on top of things all of the time, or more specifically, focus on what is going on with my body in order to prevent something bad from happening. I have gotten so used to things going wrong when I have let go a little that it has become so difficult for me to really allow myself to relinquish some control and fall asleep. It has become increasingly hard for me to shut my brain off. It is for this reason that I take a tremendous amount of sleeping pills. I need to know that I will not be spending hours and hours lying in bed as my mind brings me to places that make me uncomfortable or afraid. I need the peace of mind that I will get into bed and fall asleep fairly quickly.
I know this is a topic that affects a lot of people and I think the most important thing is to understand the reason why. Once you understand the reason behind certain actions or thoughts, the easier it is to try and create a path towards changing it. Since this whole “I can’t fall asleep because I can’t let my guard down” epiphany, I have started trying to tell myself at night that I can and need to let go because my body needs sleep. Being alert and on top of things is fine, but at certain times, it is detrimental.